Good morning everyone! It is so good to see you, and to be able to share my testimony and teaching with you.
I wasn't sure what to wear today... I was thinking I could wear my superhero outfit, or my human outfit... but then I just decided that I would wear this, black and blue. You see I am living a life that is bruised, but it is NOT broken.
This past year and a half has been tough. I went in on June 13, 2017 for a total hip replacement, that went really well, but on June 14, 2017 when PT came in to get me up, I had suffered a stroke. I had no heart beat. They called a "code blue" and all the nurses were running to my room when my husband was walking down the hall to see me. I have no idea what happened for the rest of the day... but when I was alert enough, they took me for a CAT scan and an ultrasound, had an EKG... and yes, it was a stroke, leaving me with a "tired brain" and a loss of vision in both eyes, "blind spots".
Having the "blind spots" in my vision and the sometimes tired brain, has been difficult. It has limited the things I can do that I always could do. I am still independent, but not as much as I used to be. Walls move in front of my from time to time, and people just appear "poof" out of no where. And the little things like the comb and toothpaste disappearing as soon as I get to the sink, only to find that they were playing hid and seek and turn up right where they are supposed to be. And did you know that that counter that extends into the kitchen is quite solid? I found that out yesterday.
And because of the stroke that caused these "blind spots", I had become afraid. Fear... every headache, every twinge... was it another stroke? Will I die this time?
And anxiety... I couldn't be in crowds, my claustrophobia was exacerbated because of the "blind spots"... I started to shut down, didn't want to participate in anything, all I wanted was to be left alone.
I had given the devil the "foothold" that he needed to plant the seeds of discouragement, defeat, despair... But, I allowed it to happen, in my weakened state I wallowed in self pity. Poor me... I can't do anything... I am so tired. How can God use me now? Yeah!!! Pathetic! And I know that now, but it was hard to see it then. I felt broken. Useless. And who really cares?
All I knew then was that I was so tired. tired of everything. I would shut down emotionally. Crowds and noise would make things worse. I didn't want to be like this... but... now what?
Melissa was getting married in July, and I remember her asking me this simple question that shook me to my core... "Mom, aren't you excited that I am getting married?" I wasn't showing it... I wanted to, but I didn't know how.
I was reading my devotions, I can't tell you what day or what it was, but I began to weep... I didn't know what was going on... so I began to pray, I wept, I cried out to God... Help me, Lord!
And this was His answer... Isaiah 41:10 "fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will srengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."
Mmmm.... fear not, God is with me... fear not, God is my God... fear not, God will give me strength... fear not, God will help me... fear not, God will hold me up.
Praise God!!!! I needed to stop defining and limiting my future in terms of my circumstances and start letting God be God. He is greater than my circumstances.
John 14:27 ... "Let not your heart be troubled... "
Let not MY heart be troubled, believe in God. I needed to believe in God. Trust God. Let God by my God. My help. My strength. He WILL uphold with his righteous right hand.
