So, last week I read someone’s blog that
was posted on a friends facebook page.
It was titled “Grieving the person I used to be before chronic illness”. I definitely could relate to that title from
having a stroke two years ago. As I
started reading it was like a bit of dejavu.
Oh, how I would love to be able to go out and play softball, or coach or
umpire for the town youth softball games.
I had actually started thinking about it as the season was
approaching. But I had some hip pain and
needed surgery, so maybe next year. And
then the hip replacement on June 13th and the stroke diagnosis on
June 14th. I had died, and was brought back to life, being left with a vision loss called “right homonymous hemianopia”. Pretty cool, huh? NOT!!!
So, needless to say, that was the
beginning of me “grieving the person I used to be”. More than you can imagine I wanted to be her
again. But, that was not going to
happen. Not being able to see to the
right without turning my head would put me and those playing, and those I would
be coaching/officiating at risk of getting hurt.
I had to realize that I am the same
person, just a little broken and bruised.
I’ve got to admit that that realization didn’t happen over night, and
that I still have some moments of what if’s, but they are so few and far between
now. I am here because God isn’t
finished with me yet. I have grown more
in my faith these last two years, and am fully committed to being used by
God. He uses ordinary, bruised and
broken people. That’s definitely
me. And I am ready and willing for Him
to use me.
I have a wonderful support team. David is my “right hand guy”. Literally and figuratively. He walks on my right so that I don’t run into
people or walls. *SNICKER* It’s happened. He is my “sight to the right”. Michelle and Melissa are my bouncers and keep
me tuned in to reality. Friends who let
me be me… warts and all… encouraging me, challenging me to be all that
God wants me to be.
I’m not at all going to sit back and
wallow in what I could do before…
instead I am moving forward in anticipation of all that I can do
now. God had a plan for my life before I
was born, and all of this is part of His plan for me… why? I
don’t know. But I am still here, and there is work to be done. And may it all be done to bring Him all the
praise and all the glory.
