For the past 5 to 6 weeks I have been dealing with some health issues that were really scary... I only shared this with a few people. I had been experiencing shortness of breath, pounding heart beat, trouble concentrating, and exhaustion. For 3 1/2 weeks I knew I could beat this on my own, whatever it was... only to see that that was not happening. I could do nothing, literally. The normal menial tasks of making the bed, doing the dishes, folding the laundry, sweeping the floor was such a chore that I would have to go and sit down to catch my breath and wait for my heart to settle down. I had become afraid of what it could be. But I was afraid to go to the doctor too because I didn't want to know what it could be...
But, David convinced me that I should go... his constant "how are you feeling?" "I think you should go to the doctor." He was very persistent. And I listened finally, kicking and screaming all the way.
First step was the blood work... and a 40 minute visit with the doctor. Results, blood work was good. Phew! Second step three days later was a chest xray, and this is what scared me the most with family history and all. Results, all clear. A big sigh of relief there. and then the third step yesterday was a stress echocardiogram. I've got to admit that I was pretty stressed going for the "stress" test. It ended up being a walk in the park... well, kind of? Result that same day... heart is strong, no issues.
So now my question was... "Why am I feeling like this?" An answer I received was... STRESS!
So when I had a little extra time this morning, I've been doing some reading on stress and a bit more... and how does it make you feel? Broken, useless, sick, weak, frustrated.... One of the articles I read was very interesting and hit it right on for me.... It was titled "Stressed Out, Overwhelmed, Totally Exhausted."
I have looked up the definitions... and yeah... I was extremely overwhelmed with a task that needed to be dealt with, leading to being stressed out getting things done, and that leading to exhaustion. I had a deadline to meet with this obligation... on top of my job, working on this project until 7 or 8 at night 5 days a week, plus 12 to 13 hours on Saturdays for 4 to 5 weeks straight.. I was running on fumes... I knew it, but thought when it was done I would be back to normal... That did not happen... and now here I am, sick and tired of being sick and tired.... and of being afraid of being sick and tired...
Stressed Out: suffering from high levels of physical and/or psychological stress
Overwhelmed: to have too many things to deal with
Totally Exhausted: to tire extremely or completely
Now that I know that I am "healthy"... no blood, heart, or lung issues... I will be working on this stress thing... relaxing... napping (not during work hours)... not taking on tasks that require to much thought or energy... *chillin'*... I need to feel better... I need to get back to being me...
I knew stress was not good for you.... but I never realized how debilitating it could be....
Now, what's for dinner?
Wednesday, July 22, 2015
Wednesday, July 15, 2015
Remembering....
Oh yes, I have been doing a lot of remembering and reminiscing this morning..... all to do with cousins, and how much I love each and every one of them. We had so much fun growing up together. And there were a lot of us from both sides of the family....
On the Clifford side I was the oldest... I think I got spoiled a little more than all the rest, you know being first and all. We had so much fun... I can remember fondly the flag football games on Great Grampa Berry's front lawn with the Sturgeon clan.. Gramp and Aunt Mina sitting on their screened porch watching, fretting that someone might get hurt... We did get our share of bumps and bruises, but almost every weekend we were out there... and that wasn't all we did... we would climb into the cherry trees filling brown lunch bags of those delicious cherries and then go hide down over the pit bank and eat until we couldn't eat any more... climbing the apple tree on the front lawn and all of us picking one green apple and biting into it just to see what funny faces would be made from the sour apple... and mini bikes down the bank to the pit below and through the woods. Yes we had a lot of fun... and the Clifford clan, well 5 of them, babysitting them in the house behind Murphy's at the corner... drinking coke and eating popcorn, wrestling and being silly, and when Kelly was born oh how I loved to hold and cuddle with her... playing on the front porch of the Nedeau house on Lower Ladd Hill Road... I loved that porch and it's slanted floor... Aunt Rosie keeping a close eye on the goings on out there.... running around the house at the Wallace's, playing hide and seek under the kitchen table... feasting on brook trout... Aunt Sylvia knew how to cook those up real good... babysitting the Melancen and Paul girls... they always kept me on my toes especially Theresa, Carol and Angela. Dolores was a cuddler, and Laura was always so quiet. Working in the office at uncle Steve's having Stacy and Deidra come in and say hello and give hugs and I love you's, staying after work so that Steve and Linda could go out for dinner... They were so sweet! And the Baker boys well, I didn't see them that much, thankful I did get to spend a bit of time with Danielle at the soap box derby races on School House Hill, and we had a few one on one days one being at the Moultonborough Airport where we saw stunt planes and parachuters, and I running beside her when she was learning to ride her two wheeler... And then there was "little" Ed. I got to know him quite well as he spent a lot of time at our house as Mumsie took care of him. He was a scallywag, but really a sweet kid. He used to like to ride in the back of my Subaru Brat, sometimes hanging on for dear life... :) And for all us older Clifford cousins... remember those hikes up Red Hill and Mount Washington boat rides with Unky? What fun those trips were!
On the Avery side I think I am more in the middle of all the cousins... Thanksgiving dinner was always a treat for us cousins... we would gather at Aunt Charlotte and Uncle Jerry's and have the whole family together... The adults would sit around the dining room table, and all the kids would sit around banquet tables in the living room... It was so much fun and there was never a dull moment. Tom would come and stay with us weekends sometimes... I remember him with his sleeping bag in the middle of the living room floor, he was the oldest of the Avery clan, and I would sneak out of my room and bring my blanket and lay down with him, and on Saturday mornings we would watch cartoons together. He was really cool to let me do that. The McCormack clan was where we hung out quite often. Mumsie and Aunt Norma would visit and we would just take over the house and yard. So much to explore in the sand pit, and those winter days sliding down the pit bank.. I wonder if Kathy remembers getting her tongue stuck on the metal part of the sled as much as I do. Our visits with Sam, Rich and David on Ames Road and later on at their home on 40 Acre Field. I remember the 40 Acre Field home best, with family cookouts for birthdays, playing basketball of which I never won... and the family gatherings at the Avery homestead on the Neck Road when Le and Lyndon were so small... sitting around with the grills going, Uncle Lauris' dog Hard Rock sitting next to him and the boys just climbing all over him...
And then we all grew up, and we are all doing our own thing.... thankfully I am able to stay in touch with some on Facebook, and some don't live too far away that I can see from time to time... I think a cousin reunion should happen.... what do you think?
Yeah, I've been doing some reminiscing... I do this from time to time... always brings a smile to my face and my heart ...
On the Clifford side I was the oldest... I think I got spoiled a little more than all the rest, you know being first and all. We had so much fun... I can remember fondly the flag football games on Great Grampa Berry's front lawn with the Sturgeon clan.. Gramp and Aunt Mina sitting on their screened porch watching, fretting that someone might get hurt... We did get our share of bumps and bruises, but almost every weekend we were out there... and that wasn't all we did... we would climb into the cherry trees filling brown lunch bags of those delicious cherries and then go hide down over the pit bank and eat until we couldn't eat any more... climbing the apple tree on the front lawn and all of us picking one green apple and biting into it just to see what funny faces would be made from the sour apple... and mini bikes down the bank to the pit below and through the woods. Yes we had a lot of fun... and the Clifford clan, well 5 of them, babysitting them in the house behind Murphy's at the corner... drinking coke and eating popcorn, wrestling and being silly, and when Kelly was born oh how I loved to hold and cuddle with her... playing on the front porch of the Nedeau house on Lower Ladd Hill Road... I loved that porch and it's slanted floor... Aunt Rosie keeping a close eye on the goings on out there.... running around the house at the Wallace's, playing hide and seek under the kitchen table... feasting on brook trout... Aunt Sylvia knew how to cook those up real good... babysitting the Melancen and Paul girls... they always kept me on my toes especially Theresa, Carol and Angela. Dolores was a cuddler, and Laura was always so quiet. Working in the office at uncle Steve's having Stacy and Deidra come in and say hello and give hugs and I love you's, staying after work so that Steve and Linda could go out for dinner... They were so sweet! And the Baker boys well, I didn't see them that much, thankful I did get to spend a bit of time with Danielle at the soap box derby races on School House Hill, and we had a few one on one days one being at the Moultonborough Airport where we saw stunt planes and parachuters, and I running beside her when she was learning to ride her two wheeler... And then there was "little" Ed. I got to know him quite well as he spent a lot of time at our house as Mumsie took care of him. He was a scallywag, but really a sweet kid. He used to like to ride in the back of my Subaru Brat, sometimes hanging on for dear life... :) And for all us older Clifford cousins... remember those hikes up Red Hill and Mount Washington boat rides with Unky? What fun those trips were!
On the Avery side I think I am more in the middle of all the cousins... Thanksgiving dinner was always a treat for us cousins... we would gather at Aunt Charlotte and Uncle Jerry's and have the whole family together... The adults would sit around the dining room table, and all the kids would sit around banquet tables in the living room... It was so much fun and there was never a dull moment. Tom would come and stay with us weekends sometimes... I remember him with his sleeping bag in the middle of the living room floor, he was the oldest of the Avery clan, and I would sneak out of my room and bring my blanket and lay down with him, and on Saturday mornings we would watch cartoons together. He was really cool to let me do that. The McCormack clan was where we hung out quite often. Mumsie and Aunt Norma would visit and we would just take over the house and yard. So much to explore in the sand pit, and those winter days sliding down the pit bank.. I wonder if Kathy remembers getting her tongue stuck on the metal part of the sled as much as I do. Our visits with Sam, Rich and David on Ames Road and later on at their home on 40 Acre Field. I remember the 40 Acre Field home best, with family cookouts for birthdays, playing basketball of which I never won... and the family gatherings at the Avery homestead on the Neck Road when Le and Lyndon were so small... sitting around with the grills going, Uncle Lauris' dog Hard Rock sitting next to him and the boys just climbing all over him...
And then we all grew up, and we are all doing our own thing.... thankfully I am able to stay in touch with some on Facebook, and some don't live too far away that I can see from time to time... I think a cousin reunion should happen.... what do you think?
Yeah, I've been doing some reminiscing... I do this from time to time... always brings a smile to my face and my heart ...
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