A few thoughts...

So, last week I read someone’s blog that was posted on a friends facebook page.  It was titled “Grieving the person I used to be before chronic illness”.  I definitely could relate to that title from having a stroke two years ago.  As I started reading it was like a bit of dejavu.  Oh, how I would love to be able to go out and play softball, or coach or umpire for the town youth softball games.  I had actually started thinking about it as the season was approaching.  But I had some hip pain and needed surgery, so maybe next year.  And then the hip replacement on June 13^th and the stroke diagnosis on June 14^th.  I had died, and was brought back to life, being left with a vision loss called “right homonymous hemianopia”.  Pretty cool, huh? NOT!!!

So, needless to say, that was the beginning of me “grieving the person I used to be”.    More than you can imagine I wanted to be her again.  But, that was not going to happen.  Not being able to see to the right without turning my head would put me and those playing, and those I would be coaching/officiating at risk of getting hurt. 

I had to realize that I am the same person, just a little broken and bruised.  I’ve got to admit that that realization didn’t happen over night, and that I still have some moments of what if’s, but they are so few and far between now.  I am here because God isn’t finished with me yet.  I have grown more in my faith these last two years, and am fully committed to being used by God.  He uses ordinary, bruised and broken people.   That’s definitely me.  And I am ready and willing for Him to use me.

I have a wonderful support team.  David is my “right hand guy”.  Literally and figuratively.  He walks on my right so that I don’t run into people or walls.  *SNICKER*  It’s happened.  He is my “sight to the right”.  Michelle and Melissa are my bouncers and keep me tuned in to reality.  Friends who let me be me…  warts and all…  encouraging me, challenging me to be all that God wants me to be.

I’m not at all going to sit back and wallow in what I could do before…  instead I am moving forward in anticipation of all that I can do now.  God had a plan for my life before I was born, and all of this is part of His plan for me…  why?  I don’t know. But I am still here, and there is work to be done.  And may it all be done to bring Him all the praise and all the glory.

I'm not sure what to title this blog...  so I will just type and figure it out later.

I've used the word "overwhelmed" a lot lately...  but I'm not sure it's the right word to use.  Since my stroke in June, and losing the right side vision in both of my eyes, it has been somewhat of a challenge to adjust. And it is hard to describe the sensation to those that have not experienced it.

I find it challenging to be in a crowd with people on all sides, it's like a door is closed to the right.  And when I turn to the right, there are all those people I had no idea were there.  I find it so much easier to talk one on one or two with them standing right there in front of me then being in a crowd of people.  I'm not trying to ignore anyone, it's just "overwhelming" for me to be in a crowd.

And when I am in familiar places, but things have been rearranged...  like last night for instance at CBC for the One Voice concert.  Familiar surroundings, but the chairs were set up differently.  Instead of having the two rows of chairs with the center aisle the chairs were all lined up together.  No center aisle.  And my bearings got all messed up because I couldn't see to the right...  I had to purposefully walk to an individual with my back to the wall so that I wouldn't walk into someone or something.  And when we left, I had to literally hold onto to David's belt loop because there were people on both sides of me, and I just could not see those on my right, so to avoid running into them I followed him closely.

written in spring 2018

Limitations? UGH!!!

What is the meaning of limitation?  according to dictionary.com it is - a limiting condition; restrictive weakness; lack of capacity; inability or handicap.

So, why am I blogging about limitations?  I really didn't want to think about limitations, and I don't want limitations, but I have found I have limitations....

I have always been able and capable to do just about anything, at any time...  and I am struggling with not being able to.  Yep, I have found that I have limitations now.  My mind still races with all kinds of things I want to do, that I would love to do...  but I just can't.  I am adjusting to this new lifestyle of limitations.  Hmpf!!! and I am not adjusting all that well with it.  

Written 2018