So thankful...

It's that time of year that we all have things to be thankful for...  but should it only be this time of year?  Don't we have things to be thankful for every day of the year?  Why do we focus so much attention on the month of November to give thanks?

Scripture says:
"Oh give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; for his steadfast love endures forever!"
Psalm 118:1

"...be filled with the Spirit, addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart, giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ..."
Ephesians 18b-20
                      ALWAYS AND FOR EVERYTHING

"give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you."
1 Thessalonians 5:18
                       IN ALL CIRCUMSTANCES

Oh, I am definitely giving thanks this month...  but not just this month...  it is always.  I have a very long list of things to be thankful for...  the first thing I am thankful for every day of my life, Jesus..   His love, His saving grace, His sacrifice on the cross...  He did that for me...  and He did that for you.  I am forever grateful!!!

There is so so much more that I am thankful for...  oh yes, much more...  every day...  it just overwhelms me how I have been blessed.

David, he is my knight in shining armor.  The love of my life.  He is loving, caring, compassionate.  He is a man of God, honest, hardworking and the list just goes on and on.  God blessed me with this love.

Michelle and Melissa, daughters, true gifts of God.  Both beautiful, smart, loving and compassionate young women, following God's plan for their lives.  My heart overflows with love for them.

Alan, my son by heart...  who came into my life in a big way in 2003.  He is handsome, has a great big heart, makes me smile, he is independent, strong willed, and sees things differently than I do...  but what a joy he is to me, and I love him as if he were my own.

Joel, my son by love...  marrying Michelle in 2008.  A wonderful loving husband and father.  A man of God serving faithfully at their place of worship.  We are blessed to have him a part of our family.

Noah, Isaac, Peter...  3 of the most handsome little men I have ever seen.  Each so different from the other. I didn't think being a Grammie could be so much fun.  Oh how I love them.  3 very precious gifts.  My heart just bubbles up with love for them.

Jimmy...  he came into our lives about 3 years ago.  He is fun loving, witty, thoughtful, a young man who loves God and our Melissa.  He makes my heart smile.

And there are so many others, family and friends.  I am truly thankful for each and every one of you.  My life has been enriched with you in it.

And things?  Our warm cozy home, our jobs, our transportation...  we are so thankful for everything...  God has blessed us with all that we need and so much more.  How can we not be thankful always and for everything?

And in all circumstances?  YES!!!  and in all circumstances.  Life is not always easy.  It can be down right difficult.  I can attest to that...  I think all of us can attest to that...  but I have learned that even in those difficult circumstances God has been there with me.  I may not always think so at the time...  but when I look back on the what if's?  He has brought me through some pretty amazing things, even a brush with death.  It's been a journey of learning for me...  and I know this journey of learning isn't over yet.

So, not just this month but all year long I am thankful.  The blessings, the life gift, the love of Jesus...  I am thankful always and for everything and in all circumstances.  God has been so good to me...  and do I deserve it?  NO!!!  but he loves me that much...

Forever Grateful
You did not wait for me to draw near to You, 
but You clothed Yourself in frail humanity. 
You did not wait for me to cry out to You, 
but You let me hear Your voice calling me.
And I'm forever grateful, Lord, to You. 
And I'm forever grateful for the cross. 
And I'm forever grateful to You, 
that You came to seek and save the lost. 

What a glorious day!

It's been one of those days that I just can't say thank you enough to God.  Maybe it's because it's a five month anniversary of the day I had no heartbeat and had a code blue called and then was literally given another chance at life by my God.  Maybe?

Life has taken on a new meaning for me.  I am so grateful for it.  So thankful for it.   God has a plan for me, and I am ready to do whatever whenever.

WOW!!!!  I just love this life He has given me.  It's beautiful!

Hmmmm.....

I'm trying to figure out what this time of my life is supposed to be about and what God has planned for me. Some days I feel like I’ve lost my purpose, and direction. Yeah, today is one of those days. I know my joy is supposed to be rooted in Christ and not in my circumstances. But today, I am having a hard time handling this time in my life, these circumstances.

Please, I can't do "just one more thing". This is all I've got. So please please, don't ask again.

Be patient with me...

Yeah, I felt the need to write a little more about the affects of my stroke...  It definitely has messed with the wrong chick.  I am not going to let it drive me into the ground.  

Yes, I had a stroke while in the hospital having a total hip replacement June 13th.  I was in a very good place to have it happen.  Definitely had immediate medical care.  They were amazing!

So this is what happened... and this is how I feel at times.  

"Homonymous hemianopsia, or homonymous hemianopia, is hemianopic visual field loss on the same side of both eyes. Homonymous hemianopsia occurs because the right half of the brain has visual pathways for the left hemifield of both eyes, and the left half of the brain has visual pathways for the right hemifield of both eyes. When one of these pathways is damaged, the corresponding visual field is lost."

My homonymous hemianopia is on the right.  

Mobility can be difficult. I have bruises because of it.

I often experience discomfort in crowds. I may be unaware of what or who is on my right.  I most likely won’t see you sitting or standing next to me… don’t get creeped out when I turn my head to look to my right. I have bumped into a wall, taken a corner to sharply and bumped into the railing.  I often have David walk on my right side and hold my hand so that that doesn’t happen.

I’m taking it in stride.  I am doing my very best to be me, the same me I have always been.  But I must admit, that there are days when I get frustrated, when I am tired, when all I want to do is sit back and do nothing.  So if you see me that way, it’s just one of those days, it is not the way I am always. Be patient with me, my brain is still healing, and I am still getting used to this “new way to see”.

All that being said, I am trusting God to take care of me, to guide me in these times.  He can use this time in my life, this disability or sorts, for good.  I am trusting Him to heal me, it may not be the healing of the physical aspect of the vision, but a healing that is beyond that. 

So, I am asking that you be patient with me.  If you think I am acting a bit odd or weird, or seem to have something on my mind…  maybe I do.  Or maybe I am tired. 

I am still recovering.  I am still me.  I am always going to be me.  So. Watch. Out.  Be patient with me.  

If you ask me to participate in something, take charge and I say no, it's because I need to.  Not because I want to.  I need time to heal, time to rest, I'm not physically able to do right now all the things I have done or love to do.  Remember?  I had a total hip replacement too.  You can't see anything that might hinder me to do things.  The limp is gone, and I have no outward appearances of not being able to do things.  So, be patient, don't try to convince me that it would be the best thing for me...  I will know when that is so.  

Be patient...

Is there such a thing as post stroke something?

So, that's quite a title huh?  I was watching the news this morning and they were talking about postpartum depression, and it got me to thinking...  "is there such a thing as post stroke something?"  So I googled it, and there it was...  Post-Stroke Fatigue.

It's been quite enlightening for me to know that being tired/fatigued is something that can occur after a stroke. So, what is post-stroke fatigue?  The following are some of the things I found out...

Post-stroke fatigue is not like typical tiredness.
Unlike usual tiredness, fatigue doesn't always improve with rest and it isn't related to how busy or active you've been.
After a stroke the brain is healing.
The recovery process takes up a lot of energy so it is normal to feel very tired.
Resting every day or nearly every day is necessary for the healing.
The signs of fatigue are not always obvious to other people, and they may not understand how genuinely exhausted you are.
The fatigue gets better, but it can take many months before it begins to lift.
It's important not to ignore fatigue.  It will get better, but will take time.
So, take it easy on yourself and don't force yourself to do all the things you used to do straight away.
Rest when you need to.

I was beginning to think that I had turned into a "wimp".  Being exhausted when I get home from work (my work is not physically demanding so why would I be so tired)...  I found out that I am not a "wimp", and this is a real thing.

My body and brain have both been through some trauma...  they need rest...  so, don't be surprised to catch me resting...  at home, in the park, at my desk...  I'm just catching up on my rest.  For healing purposes. Yeah, that's it...  but seriously, don't be surprised.

I feel good, I have no pain, I am just tired after a day of work.  it will get better.

I have to remember...

Yes, I have to remember.

I have to remember that it was only 2 1/2 months ago that I had major surgery.
I have to remember that 2 1/2 months ago I had a stroke.
I have to remember that my body and brain are still recovering from all of that.
I have to remember that even though I feel GREAT, my body and brain are not healed completely.
I have to remember that it is okay to stop and do nothing.
I have to remember that I need to rest.
I have to remember that rest is good for the healing.

Yes, I have to remember.

Here it is...

I was thinking I would write a blog...  but now I am here my mind is going in so many directions that I don't have any idea of where to start.

So, let me just say that I have been less than I should be.  A lot less....

I have been frustrated, angry, felt abandoned... quite honestly I have been a mess...  emotionally a train wreck.  Yep!!!  That has been me this week.  It's such a strange feeling...  I feel so much better than I have in the last couple of years, and my hip is healing great with no more pain.  But, emotionally I am a mess.

I have so many appointments and tests and stuff...  that it has all just gotten to me.  What's going on?  and at times I don't get any answers.  What?  Why?  Do you care?  Yes, these are all questions I have asked. I have been less than cordial at times...  so not me...  I don't like me when I am like that.

I am spending more time in the Word, crying out to God, listening to music and just being quiet...  I really need a heart change, and there is only One that can help me with that.  I will be seeking and listening.  I could use your prayers as well.



Blessed and grateful for these:

I am so thankful for a husband that prays for me, and loves me in spite of me.  Thankful for our daughters that love me when I am unlovable, how they put up with me at times is beyond me.  And they scold me... go figure.

Thankful for friends and family doing for me when I can't do for myself.  I love you and appreciate you, not for what you do, but for the love you show me in what you do.  Your calls, cards, meals, visits, rides (many many rides).  Thank you!  Thank you!  Thank you!

Praising God through it all...

Oh yes!!!  I am praising God through it all.

It's been a while since I have posted anything on my blog...  and I am grateful that I can still post on my blog.  It was quite a ride to start with, but has been nothing short of miraculous (to me anyways) since.

June 13th I went in for a total hip replacement of my right hip.  All was going well...  prep was good and I was so ready.  Surgery went without a hitch.  And then there was recovery...  apparently not going so good.  Blood pressure was way too low, they were having a hard time getting me stable enough to go to my room.  in the 3rd hour of all of this the nurse that was taking care of me told me that she was not going to leave even though her shift had ended until I was stable and she was going to make sure I got to my room...  she spent the next hour with me, checking and rechecking... finally I was at a point where she felt okay to take me to my room...  she was my angel that afternoon.  Very calming presence.  David was waiting for me when I got to my room, it was so good to see him.  I rested well that evening, with no pain.

Wednesday morning as I woke up I noticed that I was having some vision trouble.  Peripheral on the right side was messed up.  PT came in to get me up, and I mentioned that to them as I was sitting on the edge of the bed...  they helped me stand and that is the last thing I remember.  I had passed out...  and when the therapist checked my pulse, there was none...  *code blue* and all the nurses came running...  I came out of it on my own, thankfully...  but it certainly didn't make David feel very good when he was on his way to my room and all the nurses were running for my room and they were calling my name over and over again.  Yeah...  never a dull moment here...  That day was a day of tests...  CT scan of my brain, ultra-sound of the carotid arteries, and an EKG.  A neurologist was called in...  I had had a small stroke that had affected my eyesight, to what extent, and one or both eyes would be later determined with a follow-up with my eye doctor.  the ultra-sound and EKG were both good...  phew!!!  I was feeling really really good in spite of what had happened.  I was having no hip pain whatsoever.  YES!!!

Thursday morning came, and I told the nurse that I was ready to get up and move...  so that is exactly what I did.  PT came in, and they were amazed that I was doing so well...  walked around the nurses station...  did that a couple of times Thursday, sat up and had dinner in my hip chair...  Friday I walked even more, sat up for my meals and for many hours visiting with David...  and then Saturday morning walked some more and got discharged to GO HOME!

The nurse I had Wednesday was the same nurse I had Saturday...  she was so surprised to see how well I was doing...  She told me I gave her quite a scare, and she was sure I would not be going home this soon...  But, here I was going home...

I have been home since June 17th...  I had in home PT and VNA for two weeks and was discharged to out patient PT.  The walker was gone in a week and I graduated to a cane.  I have not had any pain other than the feeling of a pulled muscle at times.  I am getting some of my independence back...  back to cooking, cleaning, laundry....  still not able to drive....  but praying that I will be able to do that in the near future.

I have had a follow-up appointment with the surgeon and the hip is healing well, with the eye doctor and both of my eyes were affected by the stroke losing the right side vision in both eyes, with the neurologist who thinks some of my peripheral vision in my right eye has returned...  I will find out about that in September when I see the eye doctor for more tests.  I will also be having a heart patch test to check for A-fib, and I will be going to Dartmouth to see a hematologist to see if I have a blood disorder that would explain the stroke.

Through all of this, friends and family have rallied around to help with meals (Janet and Dan, Barb, Bonnie, Kate and John, Melody) visits in the hospital and at home from friends (Michelle, Kate, Cindi, Rowena, Melody, Judy, Barb, Jayne, and the daily visits from Michelle and the little men the first week home so that I wouldn't be alone all day, and Melissa for coming home for a week to be with us/me) beautiful flowers at home and work (Janet and Dan, Kate, Leslie and Bob, Paul and Dona Lynn) rides to appointments and back and forth to work (Michelle, Melissa, Rowena) and the many cards and notes and calls.  Thank you everyone for so much love.  I hope I haven't forgotten anyone.

And then there is my guy who has been with me through it all...  he was at the hospital every day, called me every day...  saw me through the scary moments and has been so encouraging through everything.  Yes, there have been times when I got a bit discouraged, and I still do...  but he is always there, praying me through...  he is my knight in shining armor...  I just love him so.

And thank you God!  For being there...  for your strength and peace.  I called out to you and you answered my plea for help.  You have a plan and purpose for my life...  and you're not done with me yet.  Thank you! I am giving you praise through it all.  How can you use this "cracked pot" today?  I don't know, but I am ready and willing...  I am so grateful to be here...  and pretty much back to normal...  whatever that might be.

It's a new day... a new starting point... I am determined! Part 2

Well, it has been a week since I "started over".  And it has been a very good week.  I have had plenty to eat, and very yummy food at that.  Except for maybe what I made last night for dinner.  David said it was good, but I was not liking it at all.  So, that being said, it is not going to stay in my recipe folder.  No, it is not.

Every night I would sit with my charts and daily menu and figure out how I did, and every day I stayed in my goal range of 20 or under.  Actually they were anywhere from 12 to 19, so yeah, under 20.

This morning was my weigh in.  One week into it, and I was anxious to see if that 6 month plateau I've been on was defeated.   So, drum roll please....   and YES!!!  it was.  Finally...  down 5 pounds. Okay so the dancing happy feet were just a toe tapping for sure.

It's going to be a very good day...  yesterday was incredible, watch out people 'cause I'm in another one of those moods...  dancing, singing, dancing, and singing some more.

It's a new day...  a new week...  I am going to keep on keeping on.

It's a new day... a new starting point... I am determined!

So, here I am sitting here thinking.  Researching. And thinking some more.  Yeah...  and here is why.

It has been 1 1/2 years since I started this new way of life.  Healthier eating and healthier living, and oh yes, don't forget the exercising which I am really loving.  Can't forget that.

I have been plateaued now for 6 months, not that that is a bad thing, because it definitely isn't.  I mean I am so very happy to be where I am, and the way I feel now is so much healthier, and I am 57 pounds less.  But on the other hand, I've worked hard to get where I am, and I am still working hard to get even healthier.

So this morning, I decided that this is a new day, and it is a good starting point for me to start over from where I am, and I am determined...  no, not determined...  I am VERY determined.

I have looked over all the papers and information that I got from my doctor way back then, and I have checked my own diary of things over this period of time...  I've been eating in the strict to moderate carb range, and been more than satisfied, so now I am going to go to the strict (Ketogenic) of 20 carbs a day.

So there you have it...  It's my new day and starting point.  And I am VERY determined.

Here I go.  I know I can do this.  I am on a mission to be even healthier.

So, here we are....

Almost 2 months into this new year...  time is flying by, isn't it?  Thought I would blog out a little update of how it's going...

I've got to say...  it's going GREAT!!!  I'm not saying that it has always been easy...  there are days that are challenging...  but, I am gaining each and every day...  feeling so much better than I have in years...  I have more energy...  more strength...  more stamina...  more...  well, I don't know...  just more...

I really like all the foods I can have too...  trying new recipes has been a blast...  I just love cooking and taste testing...  and EATING...  healthier.

My diabetes is back under control, my cholesterol is back to normal, blood pressure excellent...  the weight has stayed off...  I have been plateaued for quite some time...  but I am not going up, so I am very happy with how this past year has gone.  At my last office visit with my PCP... he called me a model patient...  :)

I am exercising every day...  I'm doing something every day...  even at work...  I take time to use the equipment that has been donated to our NotSoFitClub EVERY day...  and I still do the weights and push-ups at home.  Yep!!!  The NotSoFitClub?  a small group that gets together once a week to do chair aerobics and spend time in fellowship...  it's so much fun!

Well, I don't have anything else right now...  except, I am keeping on keeping on...  here I go into another year...  I've got this...