Tuesday, November 14, 2017

What a glorious day!

It's been one of those days that I just can't say thank you enough to God.  Maybe it's because it's a five month anniversary of the day I had no heartbeat and had a code blue called and then was literally given another chance at life by my God.  Maybe?

Life has taken on a new meaning for me.  I am so grateful for it.  So thankful for it.   God has a plan for me, and I am ready to do whatever whenever.

WOW!!!!  I just love this life He has given me.  It's beautiful!

Wednesday, November 8, 2017


I'm trying to figure out what this time of my life is supposed to be about and what God has planned for me. Some days I feel like I’ve lost my purpose, and direction. Yeah, today is one of those days. I know my joy is supposed to be rooted in Christ and not in my circumstances. But today, I am having a hard time handling this time in my life, these circumstances.

Please, I can't do "just one more thing". This is all I've got. So please please, don't ask again.

Friday, October 27, 2017

Be patient with me...

Yeah, I felt the need to write a little more about the affects of my stroke...  It definitely has messed with the wrong chick.  I am not going to let it drive me into the ground.  

Yes, I had a stroke while in the hospital having a total hip replacement June 13th.  I was in a very good place to have it happen.  Definitely had immediate medical care.  They were amazing!

So this is what happened... and this is how I feel at times.  

"Homonymous hemianopsia, or homonymous hemianopia, is hemianopic visual field loss on the same side of both eyes. Homonymous hemianopsia occurs because the right half of the brain has visual pathways for the left hemifield of both eyes, and the left half of the brain has visual pathways for the right hemifield of both eyes. When one of these pathways is damaged, the corresponding visual field is lost."

My homonymous hemianopia is on the right.  
Mobility can be difficult. I have bruises because of it.
I often experience discomfort in crowds. I may be unaware of what or who is on my right.  I most likely won’t see you sitting or standing next to me… don’t get creeped out when I turn my head to look to my right. I have bumped into a wall, taken a corner to sharply and bumped into the railing.  I often have David walk on my right side and hold my hand so that that doesn’t happen.
I’m taking it in stride.  I am doing my very best to be me, the same me I have always been.  But I must admit, that there are days when I get frustrated, when I am tired, when all I want to do is sit back and do nothing.  So if you see me that way, it’s just one of those days, it is not the way I am always. Be patient with me, my brain is still healing, and I am still getting used to this “new way to see”.
All that being said, I am trusting God to take care of me, to guide me in these times.  He can use this time in my life, this disability or sorts, for good.  I am trusting Him to heal me, it may not be the healing of the physical aspect of the vision, but a healing that is beyond that. 
So, I am asking that you be patient with me.  If you think I am acting a bit odd or weird, or seem to have something on my mind…  maybe I do.  Or maybe I am tired. 

I am still recovering.  I am still me.  I am always going to be me.  So. Watch. Out.  Be patient with me.  
If you ask me to participate in something, take charge and I say no, it's because I need to.  Not because I want to.  I need time to heal, time to rest, I'm not physically able to do right now all the things I have done or love to do.  Remember?  I had a total hip replacement too.  You can't see anything that might hinder me to do things.  The limp is gone, and I have no outward appearances of not being able to do things.  So, be patient, don't try to convince me that it would be the best thing for me...  I will know when that is so.  
Be patient...

Wednesday, September 20, 2017

Is there such a thing as post stroke something?

So, that's quite a title huh?  I was watching the news this morning and they were talking about postpartum depression, and it got me to thinking...  "is there such a thing as post stroke something?"  So I googled it, and there it was...  Post-Stroke Fatigue.

It's been quite enlightening for me to know that being tired/fatigued is something that can occur after a stroke. So, what is post-stroke fatigue?  The following are some of the things I found out...

Post-stroke fatigue is not like typical tiredness.
Unlike usual tiredness, fatigue doesn't always improve with rest and it isn't related to how busy or active you've been.
After a stroke the brain is healing.
The recovery process takes up a lot of energy so it is normal to feel very tired.
Resting every day or nearly every day is necessary for the healing.
The signs of fatigue are not always obvious to other people, and they may not understand how genuinely exhausted you are.
The fatigue gets better, but it can take many months before it begins to lift.
It's important not to ignore fatigue.  It will get better, but will take time.
So, take it easy on yourself and don't force yourself to do all the things you used to do straight away.
Rest when you need to.

I was beginning to think that I had turned into a "wimp".  Being exhausted when I get home from work (my work is not physically demanding so why would I be so tired)...  I found out that I am not a "wimp", and this is a real thing.

My body and brain have both been through some trauma...  they need rest...  so, don't be surprised to catch me resting...  at home, in the park, at my desk...  I'm just catching up on my rest.  For healing purposes. Yeah, that's it...  but seriously, don't be surprised.

I feel good, I have no pain, I am just tired after a day of work.  it will get better.

Thursday, August 31, 2017

I have to remember...

Yes, I have to remember.

I have to remember that it was only 2 1/2 months ago that I had major surgery.
I have to remember that 2 1/2 months ago I had a stroke.
I have to remember that my body and brain are still recovering from all of that.
I have to remember that even though I feel GREAT, my body and brain are not healed completely.
I have to remember that it is okay to stop and do nothing.
I have to remember that I need to rest.
I have to remember that rest is good for the healing.

Yes, I have to remember.

Friday, August 18, 2017

Here it is...

I was thinking I would write a blog...  but now I am here my mind is going in so many directions that I don't have any idea of where to start.

So, let me just say that I have been less than I should be.  A lot less....

I have been frustrated, angry, felt abandoned... quite honestly I have been a mess...  emotionally a train wreck.  Yep!!!  That has been me this week.  It's such a strange feeling...  I feel so much better than I have in the last couple of years, and my hip is healing great with no more pain.  But, emotionally I am a mess.

I have so many appointments and tests and stuff...  that it has all just gotten to me.  What's going on?  and at times I don't get any answers.  What?  Why?  Do you care?  Yes, these are all questions I have asked. I have been less than cordial at times...  so not me...  I don't like me when I am like that.

I am spending more time in the Word, crying out to God, listening to music and just being quiet...  I really need a heart change, and there is only One that can help me with that.  I will be seeking and listening.  I could use your prayers as well.

Blessed and grateful for these:

I am so thankful for a husband that prays for me, and loves me in spite of me.  Thankful for our daughters that love me when I am unlovable, how they put up with me at times is beyond me.  And they scold me... go figure.

Thankful for friends and family doing for me when I can't do for myself.  I love you and appreciate you, not for what you do, but for the love you show me in what you do.  Your calls, cards, meals, visits, rides (many many rides).  Thank you!  Thank you!  Thank you!

Tuesday, July 18, 2017

Praising God through it all...

Oh yes!!!  I am praising God through it all.

It's been a while since I have posted anything on my blog...  and I am grateful that I can still post on my blog.  It was quite a ride to start with, but has been nothing short of miraculous (to me anyways) since.

June 13th I went in for a total hip replacement of my right hip.  All was going well...  prep was good and I was so ready.  Surgery went without a hitch.  And then there was recovery...  apparently not going so good.  Blood pressure was way too low, they were having a hard time getting me stable enough to go to my room.  in the 3rd hour of all of this the nurse that was taking care of me told me that she was not going to leave even though her shift had ended until I was stable and she was going to make sure I got to my room...  she spent the next hour with me, checking and rechecking... finally I was at a point where she felt okay to take me to my room...  she was my angel that afternoon.  Very calming presence.  David was waiting for me when I got to my room, it was so good to see him.  I rested well that evening, with no pain.

Wednesday morning as I woke up I noticed that I was having some vision trouble.  Peripheral on the right side was messed up.  PT came in to get me up, and I mentioned that to them as I was sitting on the edge of the bed...  they helped me stand and that is the last thing I remember.  I had passed out...  and when the therapist checked my pulse, there was none...  *code blue* and all the nurses came running...  I came out of it on my own, thankfully...  but it certainly didn't make David feel very good when he was on his way to my room and all the nurses were running for my room and they were calling my name over and over again.  Yeah...  never a dull moment here...  That day was a day of tests...  CT scan of my brain, ultra-sound of the carotid arteries, and an EKG.  A neurologist was called in...  I had had a small stroke that had affected my eyesight, to what extent, and one or both eyes would be later determined with a follow-up with my eye doctor.  the ultra-sound and EKG were both good...  phew!!!  I was feeling really really good in spite of what had happened.  I was having no hip pain whatsoever.  YES!!!

Thursday morning came, and I told the nurse that I was ready to get up and move...  so that is exactly what I did.  PT came in, and they were amazed that I was doing so well...  walked around the nurses station...  did that a couple of times Thursday, sat up and had dinner in my hip chair...  Friday I walked even more, sat up for my meals and for many hours visiting with David...  and then Saturday morning walked some more and got discharged to GO HOME!

The nurse I had Wednesday was the same nurse I had Saturday...  she was so surprised to see how well I was doing...  She told me I gave her quite a scare, and she was sure I would not be going home this soon...  But, here I was going home...

I have been home since June 17th...  I had in home PT and VNA for two weeks and was discharged to out patient PT.  The walker was gone in a week and I graduated to a cane.  I have not had any pain other than the feeling of a pulled muscle at times.  I am getting some of my independence back...  back to cooking, cleaning, laundry....  still not able to drive....  but praying that I will be able to do that in the near future.

I have had a follow-up appointment with the surgeon and the hip is healing well, with the eye doctor and both of my eyes were affected by the stroke losing the right side vision in both eyes, with the neurologist who thinks some of my peripheral vision in my right eye has returned...  I will find out about that in September when I see the eye doctor for more tests.  I will also be having a heart patch test to check for A-fib, and I will be going to Dartmouth to see a hematologist to see if I have a blood disorder that would explain the stroke.

Through all of this, friends and family have rallied around to help with meals (Janet and Dan, Barb, Bonnie, Kate and John, Melody) visits in the hospital and at home from friends (Michelle, Kate, Cindi, Rowena, Melody, Judy, Barb, Jayne, and the daily visits from Michelle and the little men the first week home so that I wouldn't be alone all day, and Melissa for coming home for a week to be with us/me) beautiful flowers at home and work (Janet and Dan, Kate, Leslie and Bob, Paul and Dona Lynn) rides to appointments and back and forth to work (Michelle, Melissa, Rowena) and the many cards and notes and calls.  Thank you everyone for so much love.  I hope I haven't forgotten anyone.

And then there is my guy who has been with me through it all...  he was at the hospital every day, called me every day...  saw me through the scary moments and has been so encouraging through everything.  Yes, there have been times when I got a bit discouraged, and I still do...  but he is always there, praying me through...  he is my knight in shining armor...  I just love him so.

And thank you God!  For being there...  for your strength and peace.  I called out to you and you answered my plea for help.  You have a plan and purpose for my life...  and you're not done with me yet.  Thank you! I am giving you praise through it all.  How can you use this "cracked pot" today?  I don't know, but I am ready and willing...  I am so grateful to be here...  and pretty much back to normal...  whatever that might be.