Monday, September 12, 2011

It's been long enough?

Today has been a really difficult day for me.  It started last night, as I lay in bed...  I started sobbing, feeling so alone.  Thoughts of Mom and Dad flooding my thoughts....  I kept reliving my travels with Dad to Concord and Laconia for his treatments, taking Mom to the nursing home and hospital for our visits with Dad, and her monthly visits for her doctor's appointments...  moving them to our home and sitting with them on their last days, holding their hands whispering to them "I love you!"  Reading the 23 Psalm and singing to them "Amazing Grace", "In the Garden" and "The Old Ruggged Cross".  

Then I think of the "well intentioned" friends that have tried to offer their help and encouragement...  "I know exactly how you feel" and  "You need to get on with it, it's been long enough" and "They wouldn't want you to be so sad".   Maybe I am holding on.  Maybe I should get over it.  Maybe it's been long enough.

Then I sit and read my Bible and devotional.  And I read that grieving is okay.  That it is part of the healing process.  And there is no time limit on grieving.   And everyone goes through the grieving process differently.    And that process can't be shut down because of time.  And no one else knows how I feel as we all experience grief differently.  God made us all different.  YAY!!!

"You have to take a day at a time.  Tomorrow may be different."   So I am taking it one day at a time, good days, not so good days....   I am me, and I will experience things differently than others, and that's okay...

So, here is my prayer...   Jesus, it is only by Your grace that I can be healed.  I commit my grieving process to You right now, and I promise to see this process through.  Amen.   

1 comment: